Greetings and Our Rating Scale

For those who haven't yet had the pleasure of listening to one of our fine podcasts (Monsters in the Closet), the first thing you need to do is stop reading this blog and go listen. Seriously. You're missing out. The rest of us will wait for you.

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Ok, now that those losers are gone, welcome to Monstrous Reviews! This is going to be an extension of the podcast, updated whenever we feel like it, where we tell you what we think of various people, places, foods, games, movies, actions, planetary alignments, etc etc. Look at it as the slightly eccentric love child of Carson's Movie Reviews and On The Clock.

Finally, it's important to note that this blog will be using a rating scale that was started crudely in the podcast. The scale ranges from "1" to "Banana," with all of the steps in between laid out in glorious detail (FINALLY) below.*

• 1 -Absolute garbage, an experience similar to listening to the Jonas Brothers on indefinite repeat.

• Cabbage - Just barely tolerable. If you're REALLY bored, you might find a minuscule amount of entertainment value here.

• Watermelon - Nothing incredible, but it won't kill you to pay attention to it.

• Tangerine - An enjoyable experience with a few minor flaws that prevent it from being spectacular.

• Banana - Near perfect. Plus it goes great with peanut butter on some toast.

In addition, there will be two rankings that enhance or detract from a rating. "With a side of fries" indicates that the actual rating is slightly higher, and "In a Moldy Sneaker" indicates that the actual score is lower. (eg, A ranking of "Banana in a Moldy Sneaker" would be slightly better than a "Tangerine with a Side of Fries" but not quite a "Banana."

If you're still confused, and the way the review is written doesn't tip you off enough, consider yourself a 1 in a Moldy Sneaker.

*Note that this rating scale does not apply to any ratings given during season one of Monsters in the Closet and is solely in effect from this day forward...unless we change our minds.