Motorola Krazr

Readers, I want you to know that I sat here for days on end, deep in thought, trying to decide what to review. I mean, this is our first review. It had to be absolutely incredible. People would have to break down and cry rivers of emotion after they read it, "FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS MY VIEW OF THE WORLD!" But instead, I decided to rip on my phone.

Say hello to the Motorola Krazr.

Now you might be thinking, "Golly, Josh, that seems like a pretty cool looking phone, especially in your beautiful Paint representation. You must get tons of babes when you pull that out." Alas, this is not the case. And even if it were, I bought my phone for communication purposes, at which this device fails with flying colors.

I took this baby out of the box roughly two years ago, excited to have a phone that didn't require me to maintain a vigorous cardio routine to carry it around. I did all the normal new-phone activities...messing with the banner, trying out the camera, adding all the contacts from my old phone that I would conceivably talk to, and laughing at the contacts that were in there for reasons unknown to me. Meanwhile, my sister was bragging about her new Samsung Alias. Deep in my heart, I knew that karma would be sweet, that the statements made in online reviews about my phone being great and stable, and her phone being a flimsy piece of scrap metal, would eventually become very evident.

The first sign I received, indicating that I misunderstood karma completely manifested itself in the first week of ownership. I found myself at the Verizon Wireless store in the mall, waiting an hour for them to find a replacement phone. My outside screen had burnt out completely, and what good is a phone if you can't take it out of your pocket to quickly check the time? I figured it would be an isolated incident though and attributed it to bad luck.


Wrong. Just under a year later, while I was away at a summer program, my phone apparently decided to contract a near-fatal disease and fail me yet again. My vegetable of a phone could receive calls...and that was about it. I couldn't actually hear the people that called, nor could they hear me. And with the inside screen not lighting up, texting was out of the question. I was tempted to spike it onto the pavement from my second story window, but visions of my warranty being voided stopped my frustrated thoughts from becoming a fairly expensive reality.

The bad news is that I'm now out of warranty. The good news is that I get a new contract, and therefore, a new phone, in a little under two months. I write to you now in possession of my THIRD Krazr in a year and a half, and karma has yet to turn my sister's phone into dust. Meanwhile, my phone continues to freeze mid-text and reset without saving a draft, tell me my battery is empty when I've just taken it off the charger, and on occassion, refuses to recognize my keypad inputs. I went to write a scathing review on Verizon's website, but it appears that at this point they've (unsurprisingly) stopped carrying the model. Good riddance.

FINAL VERDICT:
While this review will likely not help many people now that the phone is no longer being offered, perhaps you'll look twice before buying a Motorola. Or perhaps you'll learn to take online reviews with a grain of salt. Or perhaps you'll stop counting on karma. That's not up to me to decide. However, bottom line, if you see your friend thinking about buying a Krazr on eBay, punch him/her in the face. It'll sting, but it'll save them some pain in the long run.

Cabbage in a Moldy Sneaker